Finding Comfort In The Discomfort: The Happiness In-Between

This week, I had a lot of firsts. I saw my first rat (in fact I saw my first three), I saw my first cockroach in North America, we finished writing our first feature film, and for the first time in this whole process of planning my move to NYC, it actually felt like a place I can call home.

Exploring the streets of Brooklyn when we had some downtime.

Exploring the streets of Brooklyn when we had some downtime.

Moves are always a series of paradoxes wrapped into a well-planned Google Map that indicates how you will move seamlessly from point A to point B. I'm moving to New York City in a few months. The words still seem so surreal.

As the weeks have worn on, I've had moments of excitement and power, and moments of dread and fear. What is it going to be like to leave Ottawa, the city that showed me how independent I was capable of being, and how strong I truly am?  

I kind of wish I could just live in NYC already and stop these moments of uncertainty! These times in limbo are often the most disconcerting and detrimental to my wellbeing, but this time feels different after this past week in the city.

When people ask how long I will be gone, I say a year, maybe two, but truth be told, I have no idea what the future holds.

Yesterday, Erin and I had a powerful conversation about what's coming next for us after we hit a big milestone for the film.

In the DuArt sound booth with Lauren - the amazing angel of a human!

In the DuArt sound booth with Lauren - the amazing angel of a human!

We spent the day shooting b-roll for the film, and a section of the two of us that will appear near the end. We wrote the narrations together, and felt the narrative arc and power of what we are creating. We then went into a recording studio, and I heard what the world will soon hear - Erin's incredible narrations of our story and the story of the women in our film - the stories that will impact so many lives.

Yesterday, I truly experienced the power of this film and this movement. On the subway ride back to Brooklyn, alongside a stop in to Shake Shack for some fries and shakes, we spoke about our dreams for our future films, for our future lives, and for our future work together.

Sharing our love of french fries.

Sharing our love of french fries.

"We're a great team," I said as we high fived on the express F-train. It was the first time I felt the truth of this statement in my soul. 

I may not know what's coming, or what NYC will hold for me, but what I do know is that the work we are doing is work of substance and impact. I am so moved by what I get to work on every day alongside a woman I am so grateful to call my soul sister, and I know in my heart it's worth all of the discomfort that will come with the changes ahead.

My mom has always told me that in life, if you don't love yourself, nothing will make you happy. I am a perpetual work in progress, and moments of uncertainty will always come and go, but what I know for sure is that our work is helping me cultivate the self-love I was born to uncover, one day at a time finding my version of happiness each step of the way.